Everything always depends on who watches it

Hi to everyone! It’s been some time without publishing… This time I’m leaving you a just baked reflection…
I hope you enjoy it!
Greetings! :)

Each moment I convince myself even more that things are not absolute at all.

It really doesn’t matter what we do. Always, definitely always, someone will be able to tell us it’s wrong or that we shouldn’t be doing it. In the worst case, it could reach variants of “what you do hurts me”.

Then, here comes the question… What should we do?

Let it float for some seconds while we try with another perspective…

We talk about the same situation with somebody else. And we are no longer so sure of whether what we are doing is so wrong… This new person added his perspective to the situation and equilibrated the scales.

Then, again… What should we do?

We could keep eternally asking everyone surrounding us. The answer would always be the same: sometimes the scales would me tilted on one side and other times it to the other one. Without exception. The people who tell us what we’re doing is wrong are completely convinced of this. But the ones who say it’s OK are as convinced as them.

Fortunately, once in a while, there’s someone who avoids opining… And that, instead, says:

– What do you think?
– Well… I really don’t know… I’m confused with what everybody I asked said…
– And what if those persons didn’t exist? What if you didn’t feel the weight of their words, their cries and their laughs? What would you feel? Would you fill full or empty?

And there’s where the true answer lies.

It’s absolutely impossible to live getting carried away by everyone’s opinions. No matter how hard we try, we’ll never, and this is something extremely importante, we’ll never ve able to leave everybody satisfied with our decisions.

And it’s not bad this to happen. Each one has it’s own limitations and structures at the time of “watching the reality”. And the only thing we do is to proyect constantly what we think it is or should be the reality over what really is the reality. So, then, we judge something as “good” or “bad”. Even those things that should clearly be “neutral”. We apply our judgement to everything.

And is there any “right way of watching the reality” which should be taken as a reference? The truth is that, after lots of times of thinking about this, I’ve come to the conclusion that there isn’t any. In fact, I consider that the reality is simply what you want to see. Even more, the reality is simply what you dare to see. Therefore, it’s not good nor bad, it simply is.

And you should be able to go through your life doing whatever you want without caring about anithing or anyone? Yes and not… It depends…

And what it depends on? Mainly, on two things…

First, on what we feel about it. If we feel “that’s what we would like to do”, then we are one step ahead.

And, second, on whether we are affecting other persone in direct way.

To make it definite: if I decide to use t-shirts with multiple colors at once and someone comes to tell me it makes it mad that people use t-shirts with multiple colors at once, then I’m affecting indirectly that person. The problem is not what I do but what his preconceptions think about what I do. In other words, the consequences generated in his mind with respect to what I do. And even the social concepts of what is “considered acceptable” and what it isn’t.

On the other side, if I decide, to give a slap to whoever I have on my side each time I get up, I would be affecting directly that person. Because there it would be bothering him what I do and not the consequences of what I do.

So, we now have the two basic rules to make whatever we want from our lives: to be happy with our decision at the time of taking it and not to affect anybody directly or, if we do it, try to reach the best consensus with the affected.

And is that all? There the story ends and no one will ever criticize us again? LOL! Not, in absolute…

Always, no matter what we do, there will be someone, somewhere in the world, ready to criticize us as soon as he gets a chance.

And what can we do about that? Nothing… In the best case, to listen to the opinions, pass them through our sieve and decide ourselves. And, if we decide it’s OK what we are doing, we can even afford ignoring the criticizing.

In fact, taking into account we live in a “society”, there are certain “implicit behavior rules” that make us get quite punished when we broke them. For instance, if I decided, at a gala dinner, to start shouting nonsense things in front of everyone, that wouldn’t be considered very acceptable. And well, there’s the art within us of knowing how to weight how willing we are to assume some consequences for the things we do that the other ones don’t like against how eager we are of doing them.

And what happens if we change our minds? Won’t anyone criticize us? Of course they will, and probably harder than before… The persons who hadn’t criticized us before, probably will start doing it now and, the ones who had will surely come to say “You see I was right?”. And that’s all, we’re again at that case explained above. At most, we can apologize, but inside us we’ll know we decided the best we could considering our way of thinking at that moment.

We are all people walking a learning path. If we were gurus or ascended beings of other dimension, and we “possesed” the absolute truth, then we probably wouldn’t be here “simulating to be walking everybody’s path”. And, surely, we wouldn’t make mistakes and would be 100% happy. So, as I think practically no one can come and say, after a deep introspection, “I am 100% happy with my life and I have nothing else to change form it because it’s absolutely perfect just the way it is now”, then we have to accept that each one makes his own path the best he can, trying to bother as few people as possible in their way and that, cada uno hace su camino lo mejor que puede, tratando de molestar a la menor cantidad de gente posible en el paso y que, besides that, we have the right to change our course each time we consider it necessary without the need of having everyone yelling us each time we don’t do what “we should”.

Again, nobody who doesn’t fulfill the requirements stated above have a real right to opine. In the worst case, he could suggest, giving the other one the option, but never require. On the other hand, if we see the other person is happy with his decision, if we avoid opining to “transmit him our experience”, believe it or not, we are going to be doing him good letting him discover by himself his path. He could even find an alternative that we have not yet found even having followed a similar path…

With the time I’ve come to realize that the “external experience” or “transferred experience” is almost helpless with respect to living. Most times they are simple demonstrations of pride and even of insecurity from the people who try to transmit it, because of a hidden fear to “And what if I was wrong? My entire world would break apart…”.

All this ideas, even apply to historical figures worldwide criticized. Without distinction, even the most controversial. There will always be people who praise them and people who repudiates them. It really doesn’t matter what they have done. And there’s something that’s even worse, and it’s that you really not know what would you have done yourself (no matter our actual conviction) if we were on the same conditions as that other person was. Because, even though we hate to believe it, we would have probably done the same. Someway, that person believed that what he was doing was his best or, perhaps, only alternative. And, the only thing remaining for us to be done, if we believe what was done is wrong, is to make sure not to do the same thing ourselves.

It’s really impossible to criticize with criteria. So, why not to stop doing it?

Just as it has been said lots of times: “There is nothing new under the sun”. And this I am saying today, there’s no doubt it has been said by other thousands of people in the world. However, each one adds his own ingredients and that makes that perhaps some people like it best prepared by a person and other people by other person. Primarily: it’s always best the diversity of choice.

Well, finally, just as Groucho Marx would say, “These are my principles. And if you don’t like them, I have others.”. LOL! Now, really… Just as I said before, these are some conclusions about this I’ve come to by now. This doesn’t mean I can’t come in some time and write some enhanced view about this or perhaps even denying completely. Thanks what I’ll do on the next second, and not really certainly…

This is the way things seem to be. No assurances in the circumstances. The only assurance lies in knowing that, each moment, we’ve always done what made us feel fuller and not what we “were expected to do”.

That’s flowing.

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8 Responses to “Everything always depends on who watches it”

  • Sencillamente excelente!

  • La verdad Eze q no se si sera acertado lo q vos decis, porq como dice ahi, siempre va a haber alguien dispuesto a decirte q no esta bien….pero te comento q yo coincido con tu forma de pensar!!! por lo menos en este tema, asiq ya sabes, yo te tiro la balanza de tu lado!!! =) jejeje abrazo grande Eze!!!nos estamos hablando!!

  • Es seguro que siempre va a haber alguien dispuesto a decirte lo que haces mal, pero en mayor o menor grado, tambien vas a encontrar personas dispuesta a decirte lo que esta bien. Entonces, una critica o un consejo solo se diferencian en cuando te lo digan, sabiendo de antemano que el como te lo digan solo es el reflejo de como lo percibas.
    Para dejar de criticar, deberiamos dejar de aconsejar tambien.
    Pero todos estamos listos o dispuestos a aconsejar a aquellos que nos importan, y por lo dicho antes,vamos a estar listos o dispuestos a criticar, y es cierto que si nosotros les brindamos nuestro mejor consejo nos otorgamos, sea justo o injusto, el derecho de criticar si no lo siguen.
    Es parte de la “naturaleza humana”? podrian preguntarse algunos…yo creo que no. Creo que es parte de la naturaleza racional del ser humano. Y es ahi donde se diferencia la persona 100% feliz del resto de nosotros. Esa persona no te puede aconsejar o criticar, como tampoco te puede indicar si es feliz o no, simplemente sabe que existe, que vive y que ocupa un lugar y por alguna razón acepta que esta bien ese lugar que ocupa.
    Pero ese lugar no es para nosotros, no por ahora, entonces es preferible aceptar nuestros defectos, que aconsejamos y criticamos y que, espero, lo hagamos en pos de un bien mejor para el projimo y para aquellos que circulan nuestro camino, o un trayecto del mismo.
    Un saludo muy grande

    • Buenas!!

      Estoy de acuerdo con tu idea, salvo por el punto en el que decís que “es preferible aceptar nuestros defectos”. Como casi resignándonos a “somos así y ya no hay nada que hacer”. Creo que siempre podemos mejorar!

      Y sin duda que muchas veces se aconseja con buenas intenciones. El problema, y creo que es lo que intenté resaltar en el texto, es cuando el consejo pasa de ser un “por ahí estaría bueno que hicieras tal cosa” a un “no hagas eso, no va a funcionar”. Es decir, por un lado tenemos un empuje sutil en otra dirección, aún permitiéndonos elegir, y en el otro tenemos una pared, que no nos lleva a ningún lado y que, de intentar atravesarla, probablemente genere críticas.

      En resumidas cuentas, quizás, lo mejor sea dar los consejos cuando nos los pidan o, al menos, procurar que los consejos siempre sean abiertos a que el otro pueda decidir lo que quiera. Tratando de evitar decir “no vas a poder”. Si realmente alguien no llega a poder hacer algo en un momento dado, se va a dar cuenta solo, pero sin duda va a haber sacado algo útil al intentarlo.

      En fin, esa es mi idea!
      Te mando un abrazo!

  • Groso como siempre mi queridísimo Amigo!!!!

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